A Mother's Love
by The Blue Winged Angel
Summary: Many medicine cats have fallen in love and had kits. Some have come clean. Others cradle themselves in a web of lies, albeit lies that are eventually unraveled. But none of them have spun a web like Spottedleaf's.


**A/N: Takes place before Into the Wild and the last couple of Bluestar's Prophecy chapters (before the leadership ceremony).**

**As usual, all reviews are appreciated.**

Spottedpaw was sorting herbs when it happened. The one, life-changing event. The event she would never forget. When she looked back on it, she would feel nothing but bitterness.

"Spottedpaw! We're running low on catmint," Featherwhisker, her mentor, announced, padding over to her. He had a smile on his face. "With leaf-bare in a few moons, it's about time for us to stock up. Would you head to the Twolegplace and get some for me?"

"Of course," Spottedpaw had replied, purring. She pawed the last of the herbs into place, shook out her fur, and stood.

"Would you like me to send a warrior to go with you?" Featherwhisker asked.

Spottedpaw shook her head. A motion she would soon regret. "No, I can keep myself out of trouble. Besides, it's too nice of a day to spend with cats as grumpy as ThunderClan warriors," she said. Featherwhisker purred with amusement.

"Stay safe, then," he said. Spottedpaw nodded and headed out of the medicine den.

As she padded through the camp and out into the forest, Spottedpaw enjoyed the feeling of warm sunlight on her short, silky tortoiseshell fur. This was a great day- warm, sunny, spending time outside and tonight she would go to the Moonstone and share tongues with her warrior ancestors. Featherwhisker had also mentioned that he had a surprise planned for her, and Spottedpaw had a sneaking suspicion that the surprise was going to be her full medicine cat name. She couldn't wait.

Within a half sun-shift, Spottedpaw found herself at the edge of Twolegplace. She leapt up onto a fence and down onto the other side, only to find herself face-to-face with a light ginger tabby kittypet.

"Oh... er... hello," Spottedpaw said, uncomfortably stepping back. She noted that the kittypet was unusually plump even for a kittypet, and realized that she must be with kits.

The kittypet smiled. "Hello. I'm Nutmeg. Are you a forest cat?"

Spottedpaw nodded. "I'm Spottedpaw."

There was an awkward pause. "Erm, are you hunting for your kits or something? Is it hard to feed kits out there?" the kittypet said, apparently genuinely curious.

"I don't have kits," Spottedpaw said quickly. "I'm still an apprentice. And I'm a medicine cat."

"Oh," Nutmeg said. She was silent for a second. "I don't know what those are."

"An apprentice is a cat training, to hunt or fight or in the case or a medicine cat apprentice, to heal," Spottedpaw said. "Medicine cats heal their friend's wounds and cure their illnesses."

"Like a vet," Nutmeg said. "So why are you here?"

Spottedpaw smiled a little at Nutmeg. She liked the kittypet, and her gentle, curious personality. It occurred to her that Nutmeg would make a good mother.

"I'm gathering herbs. Catmint, specifically. It only grows here, so I've come to fetch some," Spottedpaw explained.

"Oh, we haven't any here," Nutmeg said. She tilted her head a little. "Although further into the city, that way-" she pointed with her tail- "-there's a house that grows tons of it."

"Thanks!" Spottedpaw said. She dipped her head to the kittypet. "May StarClan light your path."

"Um, you too," Nutmeg said, watching her go.

Spottedpaw soon found herself at the 'house' which grew lots of catmint. She gathered more than enough catmint to last them until the last of the winter seasons, and turned to find her way back to ThunderClan territory.

The only problem was, Spottedpaw didn't know which way that was. She sighed in defeat. "Mousedung," she said.

"Oh, hello," a voice said from behind her. Spottedpaw jumped, startled, and whipped around to face the cat that had spoken.

He was an orange tabby with graying fur. He was sort of handsome, in an old way. There was friendliness in his golden eyes as he looked at her, but also something else that Spottedpaw didn't quite recognize.

"Erm, hi," Spottedpaw said. "I'm Spottedpaw. Yours?"

"My Twolegs call me Georgie," the tom replied. "But my real name is Pinestar. You can call me that."

"Pinestar..?" Spottedpaw said. The name was familiar. Then it hit her. "Oh! You're the leader who became a kittypet- you're the reason for the 'reject a kittypet's life' law of the warrior code."

"So they did add a law about not becoming a kittypet when I left," Pinestar said, a smirk on his face. Then it was replaced with a genuine smile curling his muzzle. "Are you lost? I can show you the way. Although first, you look starving. Would you like some food?"

"Uh, not kittypet food, right?" Spottedpaw said, recognizing the note of concern in her voice.

"No, I caught a mouse earlier," Pinestar replied.

"Oh, good," Spottedpaw said. Pinestar smiled again.

"Come on, follow me," he said. He led her away.

Two moons later, Spottedleaf, recently made a full medicine cat, lay awake in her nest. Her stomach had been bothering her for several weeks now, with odd bursts of pain like she'd eaten a squirrel alive, and it was now trying to kick its way out. Gross, yes, but that was what it felt like. It was also swelling. She wasn't certain what was wrong with her, but whatever it was, it was not getting better. In fact, it had started soon after what had happened with Pinestar- she felt like crying at _that _memory- and had gotten steadily worse since.

She'd spent a lot of time eating and napping, and Featherwhisker always looked at her oddly, although whatever he had realized about her new, sudden condition, no other cat had apparently noticed.

She sighed. _Please, StarClan, tell me what is happening._

Finally, she drifted off into sleep.

Spottedleaf found herself padding through a beautiful forest. StarClan's forest. A few minutes after she arrived, she sat down in a clearing, waiting.

A voice behind her said, "Spottedleaf."

She turned. "Mistynight," she said, dipping her head to the dark gray she-cat. Mistynight, Featherwhisker and Sunstar's mother, often guided Featherwhisker and had more recently begun speaking to Spottedleaf as well.

"You wonder what's happening? Haven't you seen many queens that are with kits?" Mistynight said.

Spottedleaf froze. She was with _kits_? This couldn't be happening!

"Yes. Kits. The result of a medicine cat apprentice and an elderly kittypet at least thirty moons her elder. It breaks every rule, every unspoken law the Clans have about mates," Mistynight said. There was a note of bitterness in her voice.

Spottedleaf felt a rush of anger. Part of it was because everything Mistynight had said was true. They were accidents, and even if they hadn't been, they broke the laws of the warrior code.

But part of it was in defense of her kits. _I don't care how many laws my kits break. I'll love them all the same,_ Spottedleaf thought furiously.

"We can take them," Mistynight said. "I can take their souls at their birth, make them be stillborn. StarClan won't be happy about that when they find out, but it cannot be reversed. No cat has to know."

"No!" Spottedleaf said. She snarled at Mistynight. "My kits deserve a chance at life!"

Mistynight grimaced. "If you say so..."

"_so..._"

_so..._

_ …_

Spottedleaf jerked back into consciousness. She realized there were tears in her eyes.

_Mistynight might be right, but I'm going to protect my kits with my life,_ she thought.

Just then she felt something. A rip of pain through her stomach. She hobbled away, towards the woods.

Twelve pain-stricken sun-shifts later, Spottedleaf found that the pain had ebbed away. Even the memory of it was quickly fading. At her side, were three kits. They were so tiny. She sniffed them, licked at them to see if they would wake.

The first two, one glossy black male and the other a calico she-cat like Spottedleaf, were stillborn. Spottedleaf felt their cold skin and limp muscles immediately when she licked their bodies. Then she turned to the third. His fur was thick and ginger, similar to his father's, but much brighter. Flame-colored. And he wasn't a tabby, unlike his father. Spottedleaf licked him, once, twice, hoping that he had survived. He showed no signs of life.

Spottedleaf shifted, feeling tears in her eyes, prepared to bury all the evidence of her birth including the kits. But the little ginger male shifted.

Spottedleaf gasped and moved closer to him. She pushed him towards her. "Drink," she whispered. He seemed to obey, latching onto a teat and drinking up her milk. Spottedleaf felt a little gasp for the rush of love she felt for her little kit. She hadn't realized it would be so strong, so intense.

She lay there, watching him, sleeping sometimes, but always keeping her kit close. Over three sun-shifts he grew stronger, and she grew more love for him. But finally Spottedleaf realized that she couldn't keep him any more. But she couldn't just abandon him- it would be like killing him, her dear little kit.

Then it hit her. She stood, quickly burying everything except her little ginger tomkit. She grabbed him by the scruff, and he let out an alarmed mewl. "No, no, shh, it'll be okay, my kit," Spottedleaf mumbled through his fur. She headed toward the Twolegplace, towards the place she had entered it that fateful day two moons ago.

Leaping down into the green-area behind the Twoleg nest, Spottedleaf glanced up at the sky. It was right around sunhigh, the time she'd met the kittypet last time. Sure enough, with a little tinkling of bells Nutmeg appeared from the Twoleg nest.

"Hello, Roxanna. I'm so glad to catch a breath of fresh air while you-" she paused, her face betraying her shock. "Spottedpaw?!"

Spottedleaf gently set down her tiny ginger kit between her forelegs. "It's Spottedleaf now," she said quietly.

"You're bigger now. And beautifuller. And you have a kit- wait, you have a kit? I thought you couldn't have kits?" Nutmeg said.

"Er, yes. I can't," Spottedleaf said. Suddenly she felt tears in her eyes and she looked away. "Which is why- why I have to give him away." She held back a sob. Her kit, evidently sensing her sorrow, wrapped his forelegs around one of hers and purred.

"You mean..?" Nutmeg said quietly, realization dawning on her face.

Spottedleaf nodded. "If I've guessed right, your kits aren't more than a moon older than him. No cat would ever know," she said.

"I'm very sorry you have to do this," Nutmeg said, stepping forward and licking Spottedleaf's ear in a motherly way. "I swear on my life I'll take good care of your kit."

Spottedleaf just sobbed a little as Nutmeg gently pried Spottedleaf's tomkit away from her legs. He gave a little upset mewl. "Thank you," Spottedleaf said.

Nutmeg turned to look back at her. "I'll make sure he grows up knowing everything I know about the forest cats. That he'll know that the forest is a good place," she promised.

Spottedleaf nodded and fled, tears streaming down her face.

**A/N: Gueeeeessss who the kit isssssss..! (Hint: FIRESTAR) I really very strongly believe that Spottedleaf was Firestar's mother, Pinestar was his father, and Spottedleaf never bothered to tell anyone. Except for, of course, his fake mother Nutmeg. Luckily, Nutmeg was kind and smart enough not to tell any cat. **

**Also, because I'm unclear on this, but use this phrase a lot, a sun-shift is an hour. Thought someone might wonder... **

**Finally, it's possible and even likely that I might add a chapter or two to this. Look forward to it~ Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


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